Welcome back to the world my lovely blog readers! I’m hoping you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday and the weekly series of Black Friday and Cyber-Monday, followed by my personal favorite: Credit Card Debt Tuesday. I, for one, am exhausted. While I’m in the midst of processing the large number of Thanksgiving photos I took, I thought I would do something a little different on the blog today and share a piece I wrote a few months ago when I was in the midst of editing my blog bio–a task which my blogger friends can surely relate. Enjoy!
I’ve shuffled off all of the work I’m supposed to be getting done today (ie that which I get paid for) so that I can edit my blog bio. I’ve been meaning to edit my blog bio for about 2 years now or whenever the last time was that I forced myself into a corner with the threat of no food, water, nourishment, or sunshine until there was an updated bio published.
Here’s a timeline for writing your blog bio, which usually takes anywhere from 1 day to 5 years.
- Browse all of the bios on your favorite bloggers and realize that everyone is wittier, more stylish, and more accomplished than you. You don’t even deserve to have a bio, you’ve never been published in __________ or ________, like _______, ____________, and _____________. Give up.
- Make lunch, twice. Look online to see if you can book a session with a psychic to tell you whether you’ll ever be successful enough so that you will feel worthy of writing a blog bio. Finish the chocolate bar in the freezer instead and give up.
- Light a candle, next to your workspace. Put on some inspirational music. Clear your mind with some deep breaths. Call your friend to tell her that you really need to update your bio and complain how much you dislike the current one. She agrees and tells you that you need help from a “writer” and then asks if you know any. Give up.
- Take a bath, with epsom salts. After your 2 big lunches and chocolate bar, your heading off into carb coma county. Hope that the epsom salts will detoxify you while you examine your back molars to determine if you are getting a cavity. You are. Decide to give up.
- Search online to see if you can find a “writer” to write your bio. Conclude that everyone is too expensive and even if you wanted to pay for it, they wouldn’t have anything to write about anyway. Give up.
- Realize that you only have a few hours left to edit your bio and begin to shop online. Buy a bunch of crap you don’t need and then feel remorse because you’re sinking into credit card debt that you will most likely never. be. able. to. pay. off. Give up, again.
- Get a glass of water. No, sparkling water. No, sparkling water with lime. And lemon. Your throat starts hurting so you need some tea. Now a bathroom break. Decide there’s no time to write a bio! Give up.
- Check your site stats. 500 times in 3 minute increments. Give up.
- You can’t concentrate on writing a bio when all the laundry needs folding! Give up.
- Open the page to the bio. Decide you hate your current bio content because it sounds too _______, _______, ______, and just plain dumb. Try again to find a “writer.” Give up.
- Open the page to the bio again. Save your previous bio in case your computer freezes (you have a Mac so that never happens) or, even worse, if your edits are worse than your current bio and you have to revert to the original.
- Type,type, clickity-clack, clickity-clack. Who came up with the idea of a blog bio anyway? Keep working. Call your husband to run your new bio by him, but decide you don’t really want his comments after all.
- Your time is up, Publish and be done, you can always edit it later.
And you will.